What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is an orientation toward psychotherapy that focuses on helping individuals and couples address and overcome any sexual concerns they may have. It explores concerns about sexuality, sexual function, orientation, and sexual relationships with yourself and with others. This includes a range from emotional issues such as lack of desire and shame around sex to physical concerns such as pain during intercourse or erectile dysfunction.
During sex therapy, we will work together to identify the root cause of the challenges you are experiencing and identify a plan to address it. Often, this can be a mix of talk therapy that explores sexual history including sexual trauma and thoughts and feelings around sex, and coaching that helps you learn and practice communication around sex and specific strategies and interventions to try on your own. The goal is to help you achieve a more satisfying and healthy sex life while resolving blocks to the type of sex you want.
Our sexuality does not exist independently, but is impacted by our physical, mental, and attachment systems.
The physical includes the way we feel sensations including embodied emotions. The mental includes our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about sex. Our attachment system includes the way that sex can be used for bonding and what can be the challenging tension between security and novelty in longer term relationships.
These factors can form our relationship to sex and our sexuality though sometimes they feel like opposing forces. For instance, our minds can want one thing while our bodies give a very different message, perhaps experiencing desire for sex but not physical arousal. Or we could experience safety in our attachment with our partner but a lack of desire. This complex web of interactions is explored and untangled during sex therapy helping to create awareness of your erotic life and fulfillment of your sexual values.
When should a sex therapist be used?
Sex therapy can be beneficial regardless of your partner's status. Our narratives about sex and sexuality began at an early age and we receive constant messages about sex (both explicitly and implicitly) through the media, our peers, and our families throughout our lives. Often these narratives manifest in ways that we don’t necessarily understand and can negatively impact our ability to achieve the relationship to sex and our sexuality that we desire. These are carried with us over time and addressing them at any point in life can feel powerful and liberating. Generally, if you notice that your quality of life and emotional health seem to be negatively impacted by sexual challenges, it could be a good time to reach out to a sex therapist.
What to expect from sex therapy
Beginning sex therapy can feel uncomfortable - it’s a space to explore many parts of our lives that are rarely discussed with others. This is why confidentiality and safety within the therapeutic relationship are so important. In initial sessions, you can expect to discuss your health, sexual background, beliefs and ideas about sex, family history including family beliefs about sex, and your specific sexual concern.
Consent and safety are paramount in sex therapy. As a sex therapist, I will continually ask for your permission to explore different topics, honor your boundaries, and process how the work feels in terms of safety and efficacy.
Does sex therapy include sex?
Sex therapy never includes any physical touch between the therapist and patient and never involves nudity or undressing of any kind. It also never includes taking sides or convincing someone to do something that feels unsafe or that is outside of their boundaries.
Sex therapy for individuals
Sex therapy is where individuals can learn to understand and overcome the barriers impacting their sexual health and relationships in a safe and confidential space. Some individuals may seek sex therapy for a specific concern such as difficulty achieving orgasm, anxiety around sex, or erectile dysfunction. For others, sex therapy may emerge as a part of a more broad reason for seeking therapy such as challenges with body image, difficulty with dating and relationships, or trauma around sex.
During sessions, we will explore the underlying causes of the sexual concern such as negative past experiences with sex, unresolved emotional issues, or physical conditions. We will also explore how negative narratives about how sex and sexuality from the past may be impeding your ability to have the sex life you desire. Individual sex therapy can also include homework assignments and exercises to be completed out of session. This could include recommended reading materials or a specific exercise or technique to try out of the session. Additionally, we may also address problems around body image, low self-esteem, or difficulties with communication.
It’s important to note that individual sex therapy is not only focused on the physical aspects of sexual health but also on emotional and psychological aspects as well. The goal is to better understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to sex and develop a healthy and positive approach to your sexual self.
You can learn more about my approach to individual therapy here.
Sex therapy for couples
Sex and relationships are closely interconnected, and sexual issues can often have a significant impact on a person’s overall relationship satisfaction. In couples therapy, I help couples address and resolve any issues that may be impacting their sexual and relationship satisfaction. A key element of sex therapy with couples is building emotional safety both in and out of the bedroom.
During couples therapy, we work together to explore and understand the root of the sexual concern while integrating coping mechanisms and strategies to address these concerns. This can include improving communication and trust and addressing conflicts related to sexual desire and boundaries. I use a combination of talk therapy, education, and specifically prescribed homework outside of sessions to help understand and resolve sexual challenges.
You can learn more about my approach to couples therapy here.
How to begin sex therapy
Do you think that sex therapy could be right for you? The best way to begin is by scheduling time for a consultation call to learn more about the process, receive answers to specific questions that you may have, and assess your comfort level and sense of “fit” with your therapist. Schedule a consultation call to learn more about how sex therapy can help.
And in the meantime, check out OMGYes for science-backed information on sex for all bodies.
Want to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Check out my blog post here.