How to Cope with Sex Anxiety
Sexual anxiety is a common problem that affects many people and can feel challenging to overcome. It can be caused by a variety of factors, including past experiences, cultural beliefs, and even physical conditions. Whatever the cause, sex anxiety can lead to a lot of stress and frustration in your life.
Because of the many contributing factors and many ways that sexual anxiety manifests, it can feel difficult to address. Here, we will discuss how to identify the symptoms of sex anxiety, the causes of sex anxiety, and some practical strategies for finding relief and working towards a more satisfying sex life.
What is sex anxiety?
Sexual anxiety, as the name suggests, is a condition where a person experiences anxiety or fear related to sexual activity. This anxiety can occur before, during, or after sexual activity and can range from mild to severe. Some common symptoms of sex anxiety include:
Difficulty becoming aroused or maintaining an erection
Difficulty achieving orgasm
Avoidance of sexual activity altogether (solo and/or partnered)
Feeling anxious or tense during sexual activity
Feeling embarrassed or ashamed about sexual performance
If you experience any of these symptoms, it is possible that you may be dealing with sex anxiety.
Stress is bad for sex. When you feel worries or insecurities in sexual situations, your stress level increases. The way that your body responds to stress (holding your breath, tightening the belly) can reduce blood flow and feeling in the pelvic tissue making arousal or orgasm not just difficult but physiologically impossible.
What are the causes of sexual anxiety?
Sex anxiety can have a variety of causes. Some common causes include:
Past sexual trauma: Experiences of sexual abuse, assault, or harassment can lead to feelings of anxiety and fear related to sexual activity.
Cultural or religious beliefs: Some cultures or religions have strict beliefs about sexual activity, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety.
Performance anxiety: Many people feel pressure to perform well during sexual activity, which can lead to anxiety and fear.
Physical conditions: Certain physical conditions, such as erectile dysfunction, can lead to feelings of anxiety and fear related to sexual activity.
Relationship issues: Problems in a relationship, such as infidelity, lack of trust, or frequent arguments can lead to anxiety, fear, and avoidance of sexual activity.
How do you manage sex anxiety?
There are many strategies you can use to manage sex anxiety. Here are a few effective ways to address sex anxiety regardless of the cause:
1. Identify your triggers
The first step in managing sex anxiety is to identify the triggers that cause your anxiety. These triggers could include certain types of sexual activity, specific situations, or physical sensations. It can be helpful to write down and track the situations in which sex anxiety appears whether or not it feels like they are directly related to sex. It’s important to be aware of the triggers before attempting to intervene.
2. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness can be an effective way to manage sex anxiety. This involves being present in the moment and noticing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. A great way to do this with sex anxiety is to start connecting to your body and develop a strong awareness of physical sensations. Take hot showers and really tune into the feeling of the warm water on your skin. Or practice tensing and releasing different muscles in your body really feeling the difference between the two states of activation. These exercises can help you get out of your thoughts and into your body.
3. Communicate with your partner
Communication is key to managing sex anxiety. Talk to your partner about your feelings and fears related to sexual activity. Let them know what triggers your anxiety and work together to develop strategies to manage it. Having an open and honest conversation can help reduce your anxiety and can help you feel more comfortable during sexual activity. Couples therapy is a great place to begin. Most of us didn’t grow up talking about sex and can find that communicating about it with our partner can be stress-inducing in itself. This type of communication is a learned skill and can feel much less intimidating with the help of a sex therapist.
4. Try alternatives to sex
Creating closeness and intimacy with a partner can help calm your nervous system shift stressful associations with sex. Try lying and breathing together, holding each other, making eye contact and touching empathically. With time and repetition, a stress response can be replaced with feelings of safety, connection, and love.
5. Seek professional help
If you are struggling to manage your sex anxiety, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A trained sex therapist can help you identify the root cause of your anxiety and develop specific strategies to overcome it.
Summary
Sexual anxiety impacts many people of all genders no matter their relationship status. There are many root causes of sex anxiety and methods of treatment. The good news is that a trained sex therapist can help navigate these causes and determine the best path forward.
I work with many individuals and couples who experience sex anxiety and want to find a path towards greater intimacy and more satisfying sex life. Schedule a consultation call to learn more about how sex therapy can help.
Want to learn more about sex therapy? Check out my blog post here.